I have a teenage daughter.
I typed those words and just sat and watched the cursor blink...blink...blink at me and realized how full that statement felt. My oldest daughter turned 13 over the summer and I guess I just never really thought about it happening. She was going to be 11 forever!
I remember distinctly how the 6th grade ended for her. She went to the Middle School dance and it went kind of badly for her. It was her first dance and girls at that age all flock together looking and pointing and giggling at the boys but not really expecting to dance with one. I don't know what happened exactly but I do remember the drive home - she was in tears - unable to explain to me exactly what was upsetting her. She felt ignored by the boys - she felt plain and uninteresting and "not pretty". Why can't she wear make up and shave her legs like the other girls?! Flummoxed - and a little sad for her grief I told her all she had to do was ask. Boy, talk about unprepared! I looked over at my little girl who was still dressing a bit tom-boyish (that's another blog) and wondered how I was going to explain to her dad I needed to take her razor shopping. All I know is that my dark cloud lifted when she looked over at me with a smile through her tears and said, "Really?" with an expectant look on her face. Sigh... here we go.
Reprinted from a journal entry October 2009
Monday, January 10, 2011
Friday, August 13, 2010
Truth is an Elusive B*tch
Tired of soft padding around the issue I've been taking the bull by the horns but it's starting to feel more like I've taken the tiger by the tail.
The search for "truth" started as a political research project (which continues) in an attempt to determine if Obama really is as evil as some say he is. I mean, evil is a very strong word. They weren't saying he's misguided or wrong or selfishly chasing the dream of power which everyone knows corrupts. They are saying he is evil. A liar. Knowingly leading America to a place it is too asleep to notice until it is too late and our liberties are unrecognizable. These are strong and harsh accusations that raise more questions than I have time to list here and now but I knew I needed to find out for myself. Even if the arguments sounded true, the people saying them, when looked at en mass, appear like conspiracy theory loonies. (And therein lays another path of study - Why do they appear like loonies? Beginning to believe in the legend of the liberal media, I am.) My search has led to me websites like www.wmd.com and Molotov Mitchell's "For The Record" a compelling video series that seriously cracked open my view to a wider gaze.
I began my research when the controversial Arizona Immigration Law began to start such a flurry of media attention. I started to peel back the layers of the onion and I found it exhausting to discover the layers underneath just lead to more layers and everyone is selling something and most people have an agenda and a filter through which they run everything. Their goal is to sell their perspective - not to find an absolute truth.
On tougher days when truth is so elusive it seems to me that the only truth I can be really sure of is that the earth and all of creation is just that. Created - clearly with intelligent design. It's all just too perfect to have birthed out of chaos. So that is where I start. Back to basics. Just keep getting tired of going back to the starting line.
Creator - help me find THE truth in a world where so many are lying or aren't even asking questions at all.
The search for "truth" started as a political research project (which continues) in an attempt to determine if Obama really is as evil as some say he is. I mean, evil is a very strong word. They weren't saying he's misguided or wrong or selfishly chasing the dream of power which everyone knows corrupts. They are saying he is evil. A liar. Knowingly leading America to a place it is too asleep to notice until it is too late and our liberties are unrecognizable. These are strong and harsh accusations that raise more questions than I have time to list here and now but I knew I needed to find out for myself. Even if the arguments sounded true, the people saying them, when looked at en mass, appear like conspiracy theory loonies. (And therein lays another path of study - Why do they appear like loonies? Beginning to believe in the legend of the liberal media, I am.) My search has led to me websites like www.wmd.com and Molotov Mitchell's "For The Record" a compelling video series that seriously cracked open my view to a wider gaze.
I began my research when the controversial Arizona Immigration Law began to start such a flurry of media attention. I started to peel back the layers of the onion and I found it exhausting to discover the layers underneath just lead to more layers and everyone is selling something and most people have an agenda and a filter through which they run everything. Their goal is to sell their perspective - not to find an absolute truth.
On tougher days when truth is so elusive it seems to me that the only truth I can be really sure of is that the earth and all of creation is just that. Created - clearly with intelligent design. It's all just too perfect to have birthed out of chaos. So that is where I start. Back to basics. Just keep getting tired of going back to the starting line.
Creator - help me find THE truth in a world where so many are lying or aren't even asking questions at all.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Testing... One, Two, Three. Is This Thing On?
Just a note to apologize for my long absence. Adding a baby to the family is a pretty major event, but I believe I see light at the end of the tunnel. Or is it a train?...
Monday, February 9, 2009
Baby, Baby!?
This blog is seriously overdue. I apologize... the silence was unintentional. Anyone who knows me can tell you - it's like that saying about the tree in the forest. Just because you can't hear me, doesn't mean I'm not talking somewhere...to somebody. :)
So here's the news: Just in case you didn't hear this already from some other reliable source. Herb and I are pregnant. Yeah. You heard right. We're pregnant. Okay... stop gaping at the screen. I know it can be a bit shocking if you're just hearing it for the first time. I know it was for me. But I've had 19 or so weeks to get used to the idea and trust me - it gets easier to take with time.
But seriously, Herb and I are very happy. Yes, we were surprised by the news. Well okay, not that surprised. We know how these things happen and that's a good thing! But we had just got ourselves used to the idea that having a baby together was not something we were ever going to share. A little sad about it - but we had come to terms with it. After all - we are getting older. I'm turning 40 next month after all! And Caleb, my oldest just turned 16. 16? Hey! There IS light at the end of the tunnel! We actually went and looked at RV's and began talking about our exit strategy. A retirement plan was being formulated. I joined Herb on the truck and we began to sell tools together. See more customers in less time and maybe make more money in less time, reduce our outgoing, increase our incoming... well - you get the idea.
And yet - here we are. God thinks he's pretty funny.
At least I've stopped being so sick and can now really begin to enjoy the prospect of this new, old adventure. So I say all that to say this...
We're having a baby. Due mid June. And it's a boy! ^-^
So here's the news: Just in case you didn't hear this already from some other reliable source. Herb and I are pregnant. Yeah. You heard right. We're pregnant. Okay... stop gaping at the screen. I know it can be a bit shocking if you're just hearing it for the first time. I know it was for me. But I've had 19 or so weeks to get used to the idea and trust me - it gets easier to take with time.
But seriously, Herb and I are very happy. Yes, we were surprised by the news. Well okay, not that surprised. We know how these things happen and that's a good thing! But we had just got ourselves used to the idea that having a baby together was not something we were ever going to share. A little sad about it - but we had come to terms with it. After all - we are getting older. I'm turning 40 next month after all! And Caleb, my oldest just turned 16. 16? Hey! There IS light at the end of the tunnel! We actually went and looked at RV's and began talking about our exit strategy. A retirement plan was being formulated. I joined Herb on the truck and we began to sell tools together. See more customers in less time and maybe make more money in less time, reduce our outgoing, increase our incoming... well - you get the idea.
And yet - here we are. God thinks he's pretty funny.
At least I've stopped being so sick and can now really begin to enjoy the prospect of this new, old adventure. So I say all that to say this...
We're having a baby. Due mid June. And it's a boy! ^-^
Monday, September 22, 2008
BEST HOMEWORK EXCUSE EVER
I emailed my son and asked him how his homework was coming along. He came back with the best homework excuse ever. He should get a medal or something from the slacker brigade.
****************************************************
ohai! :D
Well, badly. Obama ate all of my vanilla wafers, so I threw my super blue pikachu at him and he turned into a bottle of germ x! So then I was really bored. I still had some rockstar-flavored rocks left, so I was able to dip them in a tub of liquid Xenon and feed them to Cinder, who proceeded to grow very large. (btw, the cat box needs changing. really badly.) I stuffed Cinder in my Jupiter automatic teleportation device, but it exploded because Cinder started growing again. I attached her to an email (which of course made the email large and boggy), along with my new bottle of Germ X, to Bush and he apparently dropped them into yet another tub of liquid Xenon. After exactly 3.14 stirs, it turned into Cinderella! Only she was really ugly, with hair all over the place and a giant mole on her tongue. She couldn't talk because of it, so I threw her away (what use was she?). But then she melted ALL OVER THE GARBAGE, the garbage became radioactive, and thus a giant machine eating monster. I tried to stop it, but it rolled into my room, and ATE MY LAPTOP OMG...
and that's why I couldn't do any schoolwork today.
****************************************************
ohai! :D
Well, badly. Obama ate all of my vanilla wafers, so I threw my super blue pikachu at him and he turned into a bottle of germ x! So then I was really bored. I still had some rockstar-flavored rocks left, so I was able to dip them in a tub of liquid Xenon and feed them to Cinder, who proceeded to grow very large. (btw, the cat box needs changing. really badly.) I stuffed Cinder in my Jupiter automatic teleportation device, but it exploded because Cinder started growing again. I attached her to an email (which of course made the email large and boggy), along with my new bottle of Germ X, to Bush and he apparently dropped them into yet another tub of liquid Xenon. After exactly 3.14 stirs, it turned into Cinderella! Only she was really ugly, with hair all over the place and a giant mole on her tongue. She couldn't talk because of it, so I threw her away (what use was she?). But then she melted ALL OVER THE GARBAGE, the garbage became radioactive, and thus a giant machine eating monster. I tried to stop it, but it rolled into my room, and ATE MY LAPTOP OMG...
and that's why I couldn't do any schoolwork today.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
TRUTH IN ADVERTISING
I found this while shopping online last week. It gave me a grin and I appreciated their... ummm... honesty.
Enjoy...
Celebrate The Monitor Of Your Life
The hope on the face of a baby taking her first steps. The morning mist on the lake where father and son fish silently, together. Grandmother and grandchild sharing a hug across the generations.This LG 22” LCD monitor isn’t about any of these things. It frankly couldn’t care less about the special moments in our lives. All it wants to do is deliver a crisp, vivid widescreen picture with a 2 ms response time. But maybe, just maybe, if we evoke enough schmaltzy, sentimental imagery in this piece, you’ll reach down deep and give us some of your money.It’s about a young couple getting the keys to their first, humble home. It’s about the playful gleam in a puppy’s eye. It’s about a beloved voice from far away, ringing down the telephone line: “I miss you.” It’s about whatever will leave you emotionally vulnerable and wear down your sales resistance. We could just explain to you why it’s a useful, high-quality monitor, but that’s the logical person’s way out. We sincerely believe that if we pelt you with manipulative glurge, you’ll be that much more likely to leave your wallet open for us to plunder as we wish. You might not even notice this part right here where we tell you that these are refurbished and may have a dead pixel or two. It’s a slim chance. But chances like those are the gingerbread that people build their dream castles out of. So go play catch with your kids. Go dance with someone who loves you. Go teach an adult to read. Go send a “Thinking of You” card to an old friend, or make a new one. Through all the moments you treasure, the LG W2252TQ-TF 22” Widescreen LCD Monitor will be there…as long as you give us some money first.
Warranty: 90 Day LGFeatures:
22” 16:10 Widescreen monitor with 1680×1050 native resolution
2ms response time, for crisp and clear images
Support for DVI or VGA video connections
Capable of displaying 16.2 million colors with 170°/170° viewing angle
FLATRON f-ENGINE adjusts the contrast and brightness independently of each other
3H Anti-glare treatment
Certified for and compliments the look of Windows Vista Specifications:
Type: 22” Widescreen (22.0” diagonal)
Screen Aspect Ration: 16:10
Resolution: 1680×1050
Brightness: 300 cd/m2
Contrast Ratio: 10,000:1
Response Time: 2ms
Viewing Angle: 170°/170°
Color Depth (Number of Colors): 16.2M
Surface Treatment: 3H Anti-Glare
Enjoy...
Celebrate The Monitor Of Your Life
The hope on the face of a baby taking her first steps. The morning mist on the lake where father and son fish silently, together. Grandmother and grandchild sharing a hug across the generations.This LG 22” LCD monitor isn’t about any of these things. It frankly couldn’t care less about the special moments in our lives. All it wants to do is deliver a crisp, vivid widescreen picture with a 2 ms response time. But maybe, just maybe, if we evoke enough schmaltzy, sentimental imagery in this piece, you’ll reach down deep and give us some of your money.It’s about a young couple getting the keys to their first, humble home. It’s about the playful gleam in a puppy’s eye. It’s about a beloved voice from far away, ringing down the telephone line: “I miss you.” It’s about whatever will leave you emotionally vulnerable and wear down your sales resistance. We could just explain to you why it’s a useful, high-quality monitor, but that’s the logical person’s way out. We sincerely believe that if we pelt you with manipulative glurge, you’ll be that much more likely to leave your wallet open for us to plunder as we wish. You might not even notice this part right here where we tell you that these are refurbished and may have a dead pixel or two. It’s a slim chance. But chances like those are the gingerbread that people build their dream castles out of. So go play catch with your kids. Go dance with someone who loves you. Go teach an adult to read. Go send a “Thinking of You” card to an old friend, or make a new one. Through all the moments you treasure, the LG W2252TQ-TF 22” Widescreen LCD Monitor will be there…as long as you give us some money first.
Warranty: 90 Day LGFeatures:
22” 16:10 Widescreen monitor with 1680×1050 native resolution
2ms response time, for crisp and clear images
Support for DVI or VGA video connections
Capable of displaying 16.2 million colors with 170°/170° viewing angle
FLATRON f-ENGINE adjusts the contrast and brightness independently of each other
3H Anti-glare treatment
Certified for and compliments the look of Windows Vista Specifications:
Type: 22” Widescreen (22.0” diagonal)
Screen Aspect Ration: 16:10
Resolution: 1680×1050
Brightness: 300 cd/m2
Contrast Ratio: 10,000:1
Response Time: 2ms
Viewing Angle: 170°/170°
Color Depth (Number of Colors): 16.2M
Surface Treatment: 3H Anti-Glare
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Base Jumping Anyone?
My heart is pounding. I can hear the sound of my blood rushing in my ears. I feel the heaviness of apprehension and anxiety on my chest. I'm taking short, shallow breaths and the taste of bile is in my throat. I feel suddenly conscience of my hands and I squeeze them closed and then open and find my palms quickly become sweaty with fear. I reach forward and take the handle in my clammy hand and pull.
So began the first day of my job hunt. I felt the stainless steel over sized door handle slip in my hand from the sweat on my palms. Ugh. I groaned on the inside. The thought of going back to the land of the cubicle has me completely tweaked out on the inside.
Herb and I have talked about it a great deal. We spent months discussing our options. We really want and well, okay, need that bigger house to fit our business and our family. But it would definitely mean a life change for us. I would need to go back to work in order to truly afford it without pain. And if I'm going to work, well then I guess I should get one with good benefits since as self employed people most of us don't have health insurance.
All that said - that probably means going back into the cubicle farm. Going back to a place where I've had a lot of luck getting work because I'm pretty good friends with Microsoft and can run all your usual office machines and can dress and talk like a grown up. I thought it would be piece of cake.
But a strange thing happened on my way to the office. I got sick to my stomach and wanted desperately to go home and hug my kids and be hugged by my husband. Apparently over the last two years I've worked hard to build a life where I helped where needed and was a wife and mother. And I'm getting much better at it now that I have the support of a great man. (And he is a great man). I like it. No - I would say I love it and I'm getting better at it every day. I don't want going back to work to mess that up.
Plus - I've changed. My values have and continue to change. We are talking about solar panels and chicken coops and growing some of our own food. We've cancelled our Dish Network membership and we're buying more books. We are starting to "unplug" those things which demand our money and time but offer little in return. We've chosen to buy sensible cars and drive our old Subaru when gas prices started to climb. My new motto, "Conserve Fuel! Drive your ugly car!"
When I return to office life I will be exposed to a lifestyle on a daily basis I've been working to shed. I'm an easily influenced person and I'm intimidated by giant conference tables in window walled rooms with overstuffed chairs you can't lean back in. Well, you could, but you'd look ridiculous.
This may all sound silly to you but I'm reminded of the passage in 1 Corinthians 15:33, "Be not led astray; evil communications corrupt good manners;". I'm not saying that going back to work in the SUV driving, suit wearing, Bahama vacation taking, blackberry carrying world is evil. It's not. It's the belief system I had that I should be striving for that. That is is what I've been trying to shed. And as I've said - I'm easily swayed. But I'm getting better. Basically I think I will be tremendously influenced by those I spend a great deal of time around and I've become fairly picky about that. I'm afraid of becoming derailed from the direction I've finally found.
So - bottom line. This job search thing has me all twisted up inside - unsure of what to do. Not that there is a wrong thing to do. Just what is right for our family. I think it's the feeling I would get just before jumping off of something very high with nothing but a very small 'chute and a prayer.
Of course it could just be what my husband says.
"You're just freaking out because you haven't had a real job in years. That's scary."
My simple Nebraskan farm boy. :-)
So began the first day of my job hunt. I felt the stainless steel over sized door handle slip in my hand from the sweat on my palms. Ugh. I groaned on the inside. The thought of going back to the land of the cubicle has me completely tweaked out on the inside.
Herb and I have talked about it a great deal. We spent months discussing our options. We really want and well, okay, need that bigger house to fit our business and our family. But it would definitely mean a life change for us. I would need to go back to work in order to truly afford it without pain. And if I'm going to work, well then I guess I should get one with good benefits since as self employed people most of us don't have health insurance.
All that said - that probably means going back into the cubicle farm. Going back to a place where I've had a lot of luck getting work because I'm pretty good friends with Microsoft and can run all your usual office machines and can dress and talk like a grown up. I thought it would be piece of cake.
But a strange thing happened on my way to the office. I got sick to my stomach and wanted desperately to go home and hug my kids and be hugged by my husband. Apparently over the last two years I've worked hard to build a life where I helped where needed and was a wife and mother. And I'm getting much better at it now that I have the support of a great man. (And he is a great man). I like it. No - I would say I love it and I'm getting better at it every day. I don't want going back to work to mess that up.
Plus - I've changed. My values have and continue to change. We are talking about solar panels and chicken coops and growing some of our own food. We've cancelled our Dish Network membership and we're buying more books. We are starting to "unplug" those things which demand our money and time but offer little in return. We've chosen to buy sensible cars and drive our old Subaru when gas prices started to climb. My new motto, "Conserve Fuel! Drive your ugly car!"
When I return to office life I will be exposed to a lifestyle on a daily basis I've been working to shed. I'm an easily influenced person and I'm intimidated by giant conference tables in window walled rooms with overstuffed chairs you can't lean back in. Well, you could, but you'd look ridiculous.
This may all sound silly to you but I'm reminded of the passage in 1 Corinthians 15:33, "Be not led astray; evil communications corrupt good manners;". I'm not saying that going back to work in the SUV driving, suit wearing, Bahama vacation taking, blackberry carrying world is evil. It's not. It's the belief system I had that I should be striving for that. That is is what I've been trying to shed. And as I've said - I'm easily swayed. But I'm getting better. Basically I think I will be tremendously influenced by those I spend a great deal of time around and I've become fairly picky about that. I'm afraid of becoming derailed from the direction I've finally found.
So - bottom line. This job search thing has me all twisted up inside - unsure of what to do. Not that there is a wrong thing to do. Just what is right for our family. I think it's the feeling I would get just before jumping off of something very high with nothing but a very small 'chute and a prayer.
Of course it could just be what my husband says.
"You're just freaking out because you haven't had a real job in years. That's scary."
My simple Nebraskan farm boy. :-)
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